Inked Scars
by Kirabaros
Summary: Simple requests often hold deeper meanings. Set after events in Red Moon Rising, Sam goes through the process of getting his tattoo from Angela all the while learning that force of habit is hard to break but even harder is moving past the sticking point when the scars will always be there.


**Inked Scars**

"Man she did a good job. Makes me wonder if she did this for a living once."

Sam sighed as he flipped the page of the book he was reading. He was trying to find something, anything related to deals and how to break them. Ever since the visit to the shaman, that had been a bust and he hadn't gone a day without Dean praising her and her needle sticking skills. It was like he worshipped everything she did. "Maybe."

"This is first rate. Artist quality and man is she soft to the touch..."

"Dean, will you shut up about it? I get it that she did a good job."

Dean let his t-shirt fall back into place and looked at his brother. "Don't be a bitch Sam. I know what's bothering you. Still got your head in your ass about the werewolf thing?"

"None of your business."

"It is Sam. Look, give her a break. She cares about us and she's learning how to work with that. Yeah she screwed up with that and she admits it. Does she hold anything over your head when you've done stupid or won't stop hovering like when the herbs that shaman used made her faint?"

Sam continued to stare at the page but not really reading it. It always took someone else to point out when he was being an ass. What was Dean getting in arms about? It wasn't like he ignored her or anything. They talked.

_But you really don't._

That little voice was annoying and equally right as his brother who was watching him. "No she doesn't."

"Glad you figured that one out Sherlock," Dean replied. He knew that Sam had to think about it for a while. At least Angela figured out that she had the power to hurt Sam just by that fracas she did which was why she backed away but even he thought that wasn't the answer. "I'm going to grab a six pack. Need a girly salad?"

"I'm fine."

Dean studied his brother before grabbing his keys and leaving. Maybe he shouldn't have mentioned her touching him when she gave him the tattoo but hey. She needed to be around him with those feelings and get used to it. Call it tough love but she would survive. If anything that was what she was in the hunting business, a survivor.

~0~0~

It was nice to be alone in terms of peace of mind from endless hovering from two very overprotective men that meant well. Yet it was lonely. Angela sat on the chair next to the table in her room with her knees drawn up and staring out the window at the sky. Recent events had her looking at her past relationships and it made her realize how empty they seemed even though she was close friends with some of those people.

She had always been told that to be a hunter was to be alone. Yet with Sam and Dean, that didn't have to be and she enjoyed being with them. Even though they treated her and called her family and she could do the same, sometimes she still felt the outsider. Dean would probably say that it was bullshit but then again he had experience in the realm of relationships whether it was the brotherly love he had for Sam or his 'sexcapades' on occasion. She didn't even want to think about Sam.

She had hurt him and knew that now. Nothing she said would ever change that. Maybe she should have made herself known that she was there but then again she stayed away out of respect for what happened before that. At least now Sam knew why but that didn't make it better and it hurt that he was hurt and she caused it. She put her forehead to her wrist and closed her eyes as a headache started. They would go away once the poison was leeched out.

A knock sounded softly and she looked up. She twisted her head and heard, "Angie… can I come in?"

She could refuse but in her heart, she didn't have the heart to. It was in her nature. She got up and walked to her door and opened it to find Sam there. She asked, "Did you need something? My tome _Making or Breaking: Deals of All Kinds_?

"No," Sam replied shuffling his feet and trying to not get frustrated that she was only being polite. They both had been in silent agreement on that. He didn't want to do that but at this point blunt honesty could be taken either way. "Can we talk?"

Angela opened the door and stepped aside to let Sam in. She waited and closed the door and motioned to the empty chair like a doctor would do a patient. She didn't move when he didn't and frowned slightly at the unasked why. "Something wrong?"

Sam looked around at the general tidiness of the place. It was like no one lived there. Not even the bed was mussed. Did she even stay there? He felt concern rise when he actually got a good look at her face and saw the dark circles; telltale signs that she wasn't sleeping well. "Are you okay?"

"A headache here or there." Angela gave a slight shrug. "Nothing that aspirin won't cure."

Sam could scold her but that didn't seem right. She was punishing herself as only she would do. "You should…" He changed tactics. "Um… I had been thinking and I know Dean won't stop teasing me… but…"

Angela frowned a little. This was not like Sam. She was expecting him to go after her about her health. This sounded mildly like childish tattling and asking for a favor. She would be patient though.

Sam saw that he was getting nowhere the way he was carrying on. He was surprised though to see the look of confusion followed by a patient countenance. He was expecting her to be terse or worse, kick him out.

"What's on your mind?"

"Can you do that tattoo on me?"

That was completely out of left field for Angela. She hadn't asked because he didn't seem to be in a talking mood and then Dean asked her to do him and she agreed. She left Sam alone figuring that he didn't want to be reminded of the first set she gave him. "Um…"

"Never mind," Sam replied and made for the door feeling stupid. He didn't know why he bothered. Probably he listened too much to Dean.

"I'll do it."

Sam felt the hand on his upper arm. He looked and saw her waiting with a slight smile forming but masked by a calm exterior. She gave a nod.

~0~0~

"Shirt off," Angela said as she stirred the ink concoction in the small jar she had. She kept her eyes on the mixing and tried to ignore the fact that Sam was removing his shirt and without fuss.

Sam obeyed her request. When he said that he would have it in the same place as Dean, he almost regretted it. Knowing Dean, he could have put it on his ass but when Angela nodded and told him to remove his shirt, he felt some relief. "Kind of reminds me when you bullied us at Onigen after the fight," he offered as he draped his shirt on the chair.

"I'm sorry about that but you wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't checked," Angela replied softly. "Healer's intuition I guess." She finished stirring and glanced at the mixture. It was ready so now she could stick it to him literally. "Lie down."

Sam raised his brow at that. It made him curious about what Dean requested. He wondered if…

Angela looked up and saw the look of confusion. It was a good distraction from the fact that they were alone and he was half naked. She clarified, "Easier to apply if you're lying down. Also an easy reach."

Sam nodded buying that. He felt uncomfortable that he was lying on her bed so he looked like a stiff corpse. At least she had prepped it so that he was in a slightly seat position. He nearly jumped when she touched his left and began poking and prodding.

"Sorry. Just re-examining handiwork," Angela replied when she saw Sam flinch. She removed her hand and held the jar in her hands as she sat in the chair she pulled up. "Just relax and I'll get started."

Sam had enough sense to realize he startled her and felt bad for that. He relaxed his body and watched as she set the jar on the nightstand and took up that pen or whatever it was. It wasn't a conventional needle but if Dean bore with it so could he. He watched her use her left forefinger to trace an outline right above his heart. It was quick but the feeling lingered even after she finished the tracing and he braced himself for the sting of the poke.

It surprisingly wasn't as bad. He had felt pain before but this was miniscule. He frowned in interest as he watched her apply the tattoo. She was moving with carefully deliberateness and repeating the pressure until the ink took. He noticed that she was following the invisible outline she had traced. He gave a slight smile and said, "I guess I should be thankful Dean didn't decide on the ass."

"He didn't choose. I did."

Sam felt like he stuck his foot in his mouth. "Oh. Why there?" He was genuinely curious.

Angela paused a moment. She didn't worry about faltering. She had the outline traced in her mind. She glanced up to see the interest in Sam's face. That was a first in a while. She replied, "You can stick it just about anywhere. I chose the heart because it seemed right. Sort of like the fact that you both do what you have to but you also remember what's in there." She tapped the area with her forefinger gently. "Call me sentimental."

"I was thinking more like what you said about the heart remembering what the head forgets."

"That too," Angela replied as she began resuming her work. "You know Roman was the first I did this for in about oh maybe a hundred years give or take. I learned the method from a tribe. The application part. The tattoo and ink was from elsewhere. My strays preferred it to the other way."

"You do have a gentle touch," Sam allowed.

"Or you seriously have issues with her sensory perceptions," came the dry joke.

Sam knew that this would go nowhere if he didn't get out what he wanted to say. "Well I was wondering if you were going to do this as payback for the way I treated you since we left Sheridan."

Angela glanced upward with a slight frown. She then looked back down at her work. "I deserved it. You were right in that nothing would have stopped me from being there. I didn't even think about approaching you. So it's my fault; end of story."

"But I held it over your head."

"That comes with being human. Something I miss at times but life is what it is." Angela reached over and dipped the reed pen in the ink again. "Like a tattoo, everything gets pushed in and becomes permanent. With regular stuff, the ink can fade over time but it is always there until you get it redone. For some, the ink never fades away. It's an inked scar."

"But it doesn't have to be negative." Sam waited until she paused to bring up his leg. It was falling asleep and he needed to move. "It can be a reminder of why you do things."

"Even if the choices made become a reminder of pain?"

"You said you had faith in the ability to make choices and to learn from them."

Angela gave a slight hum. She noticed that Sam shifted his leg and asked, "Does your leg still bother you?"

Sam looked at his leg and saw that it was the one Joseph got to. He replied, "No. It was falling asleep. Your wards did the trick."

"They were sloppy," Angela replied inwardly pleased at the praise. The blocks were sloppily made in her opinion. "The carvings were not perfect."

Sam raised his brow at that. "I thought they were fine. They may not have been perfect but the job was done. You fixed us both with what you had. It is stupid to expect you to be perfect all the time. You are just like any other person; you make mistakes too. I just think you learn from them better than me or Dean."

"Oh I'm terrible," Angela replied catching Sam's eye and giving a slight grin. She finished part of it and she dipped her pen in the ink. She asked, "Do you need a break?"

Sam shrugged. "If you want one. I don't mind."

Angela took a break to remove her over shirt and drape it on the spare chair. She readjusted her hair so it was out of her way and didn't get into her eyes. It also gave her a chance to stretch her back which she did by doing simple arm stretches and movements. She went back to her seat and picked up her pen to finish.

It didn't take long and Angela had a clean piece of gauze covering it. "Just to prevent infection. It'll stay like that for as long as… forever practically."

Sam looked at the square and picked up his shirt. He slowly put it on when he noticed her tattoo. He had only gotten a good look in Louisiana and hadn't really seen it since. "What about you? Do you have one to prevent possession?"

Angela put the jar in the sink along with the pen. She looked out at Sam and then proceeded to wash her things. "Yes but it's not like yours."

Sam figured that. She came out and was putting her things on a towel to dry. He couldn't help but give a slight smile. She saved everything worth saving and reused them. He then focused on her tattoo which was showing clearly given the choice of top she was wearing. "Is this is?" He gently touched behind her shoulder to indicate what he was looking at.

"Yes." Angela willed herself not to react. His touch was… soothing. "I've had it since the day I was born and it still looks fresh. It's easier to claim it as a birthmark."

Sam said nothing but began tracing the lines. He could see the Celtic knot and something was interwoven. They looked like sigils but he wasn't sure what. "So this protects you?"

"From possession unless I willingly allow it. It also allows me to remain hidden from the demons but I think from the lower level ones. Lucky me," Angela replied as she held still while Sam traced the pattern.

Sam studied it, finding it an unusual shape and the sigils were something else. She was right in that it looked freshly applied. Picking up her shirt he handed it to her by holding it up until she shrugged her shoulders into it. "Thanks."

"Possession is a bitch… even if it was a god."

Sam rubbed the area where his tattoo was hidden. It was like she said. It could be hidden but is always there like an inked scar. He had to bear in mind that she had centuries of that kind of thing. She wasn't out to do it on purpose and now that he knew why Madison refused… "I agree. Um… do you want to go for a walk? Maybe some coffee?"

Angela almost frowned at the request. She changed it to a smile and replied, "I'd like that."

Sam held the door open and let her out first. They walked in companionable silence, each thinking about what was said. It was a start as Sam started talking about nothing in particular and drew Angela into conversation. Both knew that the scars from the Sheridan case would always be there but they could learn from it and move forward. Sam kept this memory as he replied to Henricksen's question, "Not long enough."

* * *

**A/N:** A nice little foray into how the brothers get their tattoos and the emotional repairs that began.


End file.
